because you're a thousand miles away and the crickets are loud

i.

we'll never be a supernova splashed across the sky. there will always be an antebellum war raging inside of me, a black-eyed monster haunting my room with wilted flowers when i sleep. have you ever seen a shooting star? they brighten the sky for a moment, a flash of color on a coal-black canvas, but when they're gone, they leave nothing behind but broken promises and a sour taste on your tongue. 

where are you?

he's far away.

come back.

he wakes up for someone else now. 

no he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't

ii.

you said distance would be good for us, but all i can see are the clock hands edging backward with every breath i take. i want to take this distance and put it away somewhere it will never get out, like a planet struggling to burst free from its orbit. i believed this for so long that my brain doesn't know how to think anymore, how to look at a flower growing between the cracks in the sidewalk and think how beautiful a small miracle is. there's a whole path of heartache from here to wherever you are.

he's missing me.

he's hand in hand with someone else.

he can't breathe without thinking of me.

my face hasn't crossed his mind since he left. 

iii.

i brew coffee when my eyes won't close.

i can't stop thinking of you, of what you're doing now that the sun is slowly rising wherever you are. is the shower steaming, the mirror fogged over? is there a whole new day at your fingertips, waiting to be sliced open and delved into?

i think you're still sleeping. you always did go to bed so early. 

iv.

let's leave this town behind and never return.

there is a pounding in my ears and a crick in my neck. 

take me away like the lovestruck romeo you always wanted to be.

i don't want to fall asleep anymore. 

i love you.

i don't.

she loves me.

she doesn't.

yes yes yes yes.

no. not anymore. 

v.

there's an avalanche of regrets i can sort through, and i'll still be looking for traces of your smile when morning arrives.  i'm looking for some sort of miracle today. 

i wish i could forget you when i wake up.